I wish I could hate you

I wish I could hate you,
but I can't.
It would make things so much easier.

I wish I could take back those last words I wrote,
but I can't.
They are there for always, so black against the white.

I wish you wouldn't look so sad,
but you do.
You left me, so why do I care about your pain?

I wish I would die,
but I promised not to.
Crossing railroad tracks hoping a train will hit me.

I wish I could stop feeling like this,
but I can't.
This is wrong. It shouldn't be like this.