The only one

There is...

One person,
who really gets me.

One person,
who knows me better than I do.

One person,
who always know the right words.

One person,
who always make me smile again no matter what.

One person,
who can make me laugh when my heart is breaking.

One person,
who truly understand.

One person...

And I realized just a little bit too late.

You didn't believe me

Twice I've been told:

"You don't believe me!"
"I tell you I love you,
but yo don't believe me!"

Twice
Two people
Different lives
The same words

Twice my heart broke.
Would it if I didn't believe?

Twice I've been told:
"I only want you to be happy!"
"I don't make you happy,
I've failed!"

"Find someone better!"

Twice
Two people
Same words

Now I realize
You never believed me

Twice I said:
I do believe you
You do make me happy
There is no one better

But you didn't listen
You didn't hear that

You didn't believe me!

The truth is...

The truth is...

I still love you.
And I probably always will.

No matter what...

In the end...

I'll always forgive you.

That's my biggest problem.
It would be so much easier

If I didn't

I wish I could hate you

I wish I could hate you,
but I can't.
It would make things so much easier.

I wish I could take back those last words I wrote,
but I can't.
They are there for always, so black against the white.

I wish you wouldn't look so sad,
but you do.
You left me, so why do I care about your pain?

I wish I would die,
but I promised not to.
Crossing railroad tracks hoping a train will hit me.

I wish I could stop feeling like this,
but I can't.
This is wrong. It shouldn't be like this.

I love you

I Love You

You are the first thought in the morning
You are in every thought during the day
You are the last thought when I fall asleep
You are in my dreams during the night

Whatever happens, You are the one person I turn to first

When something good happens I want to share it with You. I know You will always be happy for me

When something bad happens I turn to You for help. I know You can and always will make me smile again 

No one knows me as well as You do
No one believes in me the way You do
No one has the patience that You do
No one understands me the way You do

Whatever will happen I just want You to know 

When You came in to my life You changed it for the better, forever. I won't give up on life again

When I met You neither of us was smiling. Now I smile all day, every day because of You

You mean the world to me
You made me believe again
You gave the world back to me
You made me feel love again

I Love You

Anniversary!!!

7 months old today
7 months on Lords of Minecraft
7 months on Twitter

I have met so many nice people
I have met some amazing new friends
I have met my wonderful boyfriend

My life hasn't always been easy
My first husband became a demon
My son tried to kill me

Second time
Second chances
Second crash

Try to smile 
Try one smile at a time
Try to fake it till you make it

A comment on a comment
A friend becomes a brother
A brother becomes a boyfriend

It's complicated
It's always been
It's just how it is

Confessions

Hi, my name is Ishi Emi and I'm a Twitter addict. I spend all my days and all my nights on Twitter. I fall asleep with Twitter in my hands. When I wake up at night I must check my Twitter no matter how tired I am. I must check Twitter before I can go back to sleep. It's been 2 seconds since I checked my Twitter last and I feel a need to check again very soon. Hm, let me see... ... ... okay, done! Moving on.

I did a "spring cleaning" on my oldest account. Only following accounts that followed me back or have too good tweets to get rid of. I need material to retweet, don't I? Having a lot of free space I started to follow people from my other accounts, as many as Twitter limits allowed. I did this late at night which would prove to be a mistake. Notifications of new followers were insane, frequent buzzing kept me from sleeping. I gained 300 new followers in 24 hours most of them during the first hours. Undeniably funny and pleasing because numbers do count, don't they?

I went to mention this Twitter success to my boyfriend, very warily knowing he's not too impressed with my numbers obsession. Threats have actually been made of calling dr Phil... On my way to share my wonderful news with him I stumbled across his latest posting on Instagram and I was reminded of what's really important. The people we love and care about. He's been telling me this all a long, but well numbers... they are there for a reason. To make us hunt for more followers and lager numbers... Hey, I am a Twitter addict.

My numbers obsession was challenged by my boyfriends posting on Instagram, though. It was a picture I had given him, but what really made me forget everything else was the caption... Honestly, words cannot describe what he means to me... My intention with this post was not to get all lovvy dovvy, but... ... ...

Anyway.

I start to talk about Instagram and he assumes I'm talking about my account with my photos and poems. Even though this wasn't what I meant, as I explained above, it made me think. His assumption made me understand something I hadn't really thought about... Of course he's what's most important in my life, as well as my amazing friends, but I realized that my Instagram account definitely is more important than Twitter. I don't have many followers and I don't care about the numbers. Maybe this gives the impression my Instagram doesn't matter to me, but that's wrong. My photos on Instagram, my poems on Instagram, that's me. All me. Twitter isn't.

In the beginning of my time on Twitter I used it mainly to promote my blog. Not this one but the one I had/have under my first Internet alias. Somewhere down the line I got caught up in the Twitter games. I forgot about these other things, the things that are me. Instead I started retweeting other people. Other peoples photos, because obviously they are better than mine. I am an amateur and I only have my phone and tablet. Of course a 500 megapixel camera takes better pictures. Other peoples poems and quotes because they have a message I can relate to. Something that speaks to my heart or my soul, challenging the thoughts in my head.

During my "spring cleaning" I found a tweet: "Be a voice, not an echo!" I instantly retweeted, realizing a retweet is nothing but an echo. And that I need to find my own voice again...


This... is the real me

Forgive

I understand
I know why you said the things you said

It was for the best
It had to be said, had to be dealt with

I had to leave
I couldn't stay under these circumstances

It was too much
It would only result in more depression

I didn't want that
I only wanted what was best for us

It hurts so bad
It pains me I'm no longer your friend

I must live with it
I won't be the reason you want to die

It will be fine
It means you can finally be happy

I am okay
I don't expect you to forgive me

It is too hard
It helps just knowing you're still alive

I forgive you
I understand, I had to let go

Helping a friend

I try to be nice to people
I try to be kind to people
I try to help people and
I try to be a good friend

I know how it feels to be unwanted
I know how it feels when people are rude
I know how it feels to be all alone
I know how it feels to have no one

I don't want anyone to feel like that

I've listened to your anger
I've listened to your pain
I've listened to your tears

And I did all I could to help

I've heard about your problems
I've heard about your depression
I've heard about your wish to die

And I did all I could to keep you alive

I have felt that way too
I have felt that pain too

And I have also wanted to die

I don't want anyone to feel like that

I help because I want to
I help because I care
I help because that's what friends do
I help because it's the right thing to do

I don't expect anything in return
I don't expect any favors

But I didn't expect to get the blame either

You left

You said you would never leave
But you left
You said you would always be there
But when I needed you most,
You weren't...

You said I could call you whenever
I needed you
But you disappeared
I couldn't find you
No matter how much I searched
You were nowhere to be found

It took one week before
I got a message that you were okay
You were having a tough time too
I was worried
I wanted to help
But you were gone

You came back
Saying how much you missed me
But I was here all the time
You could have reached me whenever

Am I mad at you?
No, I know you didn't want to
It wasn't your choise
Am I hurt?
Yeah, I am

I am sorry to say this
Me writing this
Maybe I hurt you
Hopefully you will never read it

I'm not special

All the things he said to me
Those little things he said to let me know how I made him feel, how much he loved me
The compliments

I hear him use the exact same lines on other girls now
Even right in front of me

Things I thought were special
Between him and me

That meant something
I was wrong

I believed in what he said
But I was wrong

Our first date, the fancy restaurant, the fancy meal
I know that cost him a great deal of money
It was amazing
No one had done anything like that for me before

He's taking her there now
Same place, same deal
He told me

Everything he said he did for me
He's doing for anyone

I'm not special
I never really thought I was
But I did think maybe I was just a little bit special to him
I was wrong

It's not that I don't believe in recycling
Quite contrary, I do
And I know I must accept he moved on
It's just that...

He didn't just end our relationship
He also took all memories
Everything that was special to me

He took everything special away from me
And is now giving it to other girls

I am not special
I never was

I never will be

Because he also took my trust
I don't want to be fooled again